Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
