my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
