party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
