he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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