I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Welp...herpes.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
