On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I faked an abortion last night.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize