New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
