we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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