Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
accomplished twins. life is a go
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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