Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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