you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
