i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
