I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize