now i know why i became what i already was.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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