i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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