I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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