also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
