so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
