I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize