Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
