the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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