He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
