She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
