I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
