so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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