If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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