He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize