If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
