Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
