i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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