You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
