So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
