Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
