The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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