matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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