Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
