New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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