I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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