I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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