turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
