My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
