Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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