I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
