and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
