we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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