i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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