I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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