she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
