For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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