Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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