I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
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