You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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