Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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