You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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