Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
