some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
