Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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