loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
