I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Umm I'm too high to move.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
