Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
