Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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