I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she looked like the before picture.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
