One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
