toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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