During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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