put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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