Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
