if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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