I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
