Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
