His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
