everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize